The Lame Daoist Priest – Chapter 50

First regular of the week, and we have now hit 50 chapters!!!!!! ENJOY!

As stated, SEAM will be out sometime this week as soon as it gets PRed.

TLDP: C.50. At the Shi Family’s Cemetery

While I was wondering about something, Jiannan suddenly said, “Big brother, maybe that dead old woman felt that the coffin was uncomfortable and moved to the right because she wanted to be together with him, right? Ah, this is a normal action that any human would do, we ought to understand that.”

Understand you grandmother! Do you think after you die you can move around and still be together with me? But Jiannan’s words reminded me of something, so I asked Boss Shi, “Were there any traces that the grave had been dug by someone?”

Boss Shi replied, “My family has always been cleaning the graves every year during the Qing Ming Festival. But, we have never seen anything unusual.”

“Boss Shi, the government has decreed an order, that in order to save the land, dead people must be cremated after they died. So why didn’t you cremate it in the past? If you had cremated it, you would never have this problem”

Boss Shi poured a cup of tea for us, replying, “It was because that Feng Shui Master told me to do so. He said if a dead body was cremated, the tomb would be useless. I have tried to contact that Feng Shui Master a few days ago, but I cannot find him. Then suddenly I recalled that Lao Qian had mentioned your name and abilities to me, so I invited you here.”

I frowned and quickly said, “Where’s your mother’s dead body? I really suspected that her corpse should have become a living dead.”

“What does it mean, a living dead?” Boss Shi asked.

“It’s a zombie, and it could jump and bite like a beast. Have you seen zombie movies? It’s almost similar.”

Boss Shi seemed not to believe me. He then lit up a cigarette, saying, “No, Xiaolong, what you said is too much. This is not a movie. She had died already, how could a dead body jump?”

“Boss Shi, I’m not deceiving you. If you don’t believe me, there is a ghost in this room now, do you want to see it? I have the means to let you see her.” The ghost whom I meant was the bleeding sister

Who would have known that Boss Shi was really frightened by my words. He looked around and anxiously asked, “Is there really a ghost here?”

“That is of course, but relax, I’m here, it’s alright.” Then, I took out a Moon Charm and ignited it, then extinguished Boss Shi’s shoulders’ Yang fires. Then I pointed at the bleeding sister in the corner, saying, “Boss Shi, now please look over there.”

This Boss Shi was so scared and almost urinated. What a lame boss, I never thought that he had this small of a courage. I hurriedly ignited a Sun Charm and lit his shoulder’s Yang fires.

Even though he could not see the ghost, his expression still showed signs of panic and looked at the corner, saying, “Xiaolong, I ask you, quickly drive that ghost out.”

“No can do.” I meant the bleeding sister was my assistant. How could I drive her out?

Boss Shi anxiously said, “Fifty thousand! Xiaolong, please drive that ghost out, I’ll pay you fifty thousand RMB!”

What the f**k? Earning fifty thousand was this easy? Man… this kind of rich slob! Should I butcher him? So I spoke to him in a deep tone, “Boss Shi, you can be at ease. I will drive this ghost away. Since I’m here, she would absolutely not dare to do anything to you.”

The bleeding sister who was standing at the corner stretched out three fingers, which meant that out of this fifty thousand RMB, she must have a three percent share.

What a poor ghost… so greedy about money. But this time, earning another 50,000 RMB was also thanks to her, thus, she should have her share. So I secretly nodded to the bleeding sister. But Jiannan looked puzzled seeing my secret communication with the bleeding sister. He was just about open his mouth to ask me, so I quickly took out 200 RMB and spoke to him, “Jiannan, when we arrived a moment ago, didn’t you see a fruit shop there? You buy two durians to eat.”

“Thank you big brother!” Jiannan held the 200 RMB and excitedly ran outside. He whispered while running, “Man… he’s really great, he gave me 200 RMB…”

After Jiannan left, I asked Boss Shi, “Boss Shi, is your parent’s dead body here? I need to take a look at it.”

“My father’s dead body is being preserved at the hospital’s morgue, as for my mother’s body, it has been returned and buried in the grave. She had been dead for five years and her body has not even rot. I don’t want this matter to be spread out. So I quickly buried it back.”

“Then, let’s go and take a look at it immediately.”

Boss Shi looked at the watch on his wrist before replying, “No hurry. My son and daughter will be coming back home today. They should be home soon. Let’s eat lunch first and then I’ll take you there.”

I took my cell phone out and looked at the time. It’s 10:30 AM. It’s OK to have lunch first since it was still day time. If the dead body had turned into a zombie, I could use the fierce sunlight to eliminate it.

After about an hour or so, Boss Shi’s son and daughter are back. I didn’t expect that although Boss Shi was fat and average, his son and daughter were quite attractive, their looks were also good. But his daughter was just like Jiannan, never separated from her cell phone. If Jiannan had always been texting, she played QQ.

Boss Shi was really rich, even his son and daughter held the latest I ** 4, which was said to be priced at 5,000 USD. These things were the things that we cannot afford to spend money on.

Boss Shi gave a short introduction. His son’s name was Shi Aolong and his daughter’s name was Shi Aofeng.

Shi Aolong was quite talkative. Although his name has the “Ao” (proud) word, but his attitude was very amiable. As for Shi Aofeng, she didn’t talk much and a flash of arrogance could be seen from her eyes. She probably looked down on me and Jiannan.

At noon, we had lunch in a luxurious hotel. And after lunch, Boss Shi finally took us to the cemetery. I looked at the surroundings. This place was an open and desolate land. The ground was covered by grass and I didn’t see any special auspicious spot. I couldn’t even see the Feng Shui’s pattern here. Moreover, it seemed like this place had nothing unusual, so I looked at Jiannan and asked him, “Jiannan, do you see something unusual?”

“It’s just like another cemetery, aside from the grave there is not even  half ghost here.”

I looked at the bleeding sister, and she said, “There is Yin energy here.”

It’s obviously that Yin energy should exist here, everybody knew about it, but why are you saying that?… If there was no Yin energy, then the dead body should already have decomposed, so I quickly spoke to Boss Shi, “Looking at the condition, there is nothing unusual here. I hope that we can open the coffin as soon as possible. I have to look at the dead body before I can make accurate judgments.”     

“No problem!” replied Boss Shi. He took his cell phone out and spoke, “I’ll call some people to come now.”

I didn’t stop him. Even if the dead body had changed, it didn’t matter anymore. However, the person had just died only several years ago and even became a zombie. It was too cruel if I didn’t put it to rest properly.

Boss Shi’s working efficiency was very fast. It took only half an hour after he made a phone call and a team of people already had arrived with an excavator and a shovel belt machine. After digging the grave for ten minutes, we could see the coffin and a thick Yin energy bursting out, which even blew out several worker’s Yang fires and made them tremble.

After cleaning up for more than two hours, a three times three-sized square pit had been dug. After that, Boss Qian paid some money, so the engineering team left.

Jiannan and I  jumped down to the big pit after I pasted each person with two Sun Charm. I tilted the coffin’s nails and then the both of us lifted the coffin’s lid.

A whiff of Yin energy blew toward my face so I quickly held my breath and the bleeding sister quickly acted to absorb this Yin energy. We looked at the opened coffin and an old woman’s corpse was lying inside. The corpse was wearing a Chinese-style clothing and both hands were placed on its stomach. It didn’t have the sign of decaying and was like an old person lying there to sleep. However, a thick and strong Yin qi could be felt from its body.

“Grandmother!” Shi Aolong and Shi Aofeng shouted as they were preparing to jump over.

I hurriedly tried to stop them, “Don’t come down! It’s dangerous here!”

“You’re just bluffing, what danger could be here?” After speaking, Shi Aofeng ignored my advice and quickly jumped down. The Yin energy in the pit quickly invaded her body and almost extinguished all of her Yang fires. I quickly caught it with my eyes and swiftly pasted a Sun Charm on her shoulders and ignited it lightning fast. I was especially ensuring to protect her head’s Yang fire, making sure that was not extinguished.

But she had already fainted, so I said to Shi Aolong and Boss Shi above the pit, saying, “Pull her up quickly!”

They rushed to quickly pull the fainted Shi Aofeng and shook her body for a long while before she finally woke up. Boss Shi was finally relieved as he stood on the pit’s side, asking, “Xiaolong, how could it be like this? When we opened the coffin a few days ago, we hadn’t encountered such a problem.”

I shook my head, saying, “I’m not clear about this, but I’m absolutely sure, that this dead body would rise and turn into zombie sooner or later.”

“Then, what do we do?”

I stretched out my two fingers, saying, “There are two methods. First, get some gasoline here to burn the corpse. Second, pierce its cerebellum with a nail. As long as the cerebellum is destroyed, this dead body cannot jump out.”

“Piercing a nail into the head?” Boss Shi asked, “Isn’t it enough to paste a Daoist charm onto its forehead like in the movies?”

I gawked, saying “Such a charm does exist. However, I will not draw it, since the safest way is to burn down the corpse.”

Boss Shi replied, “Can it really can jump out? The coffin is buried one meter deep underground. Not to mention that the coffin is also tightly covered with nailed lid. It’s impossible for my mother’s dead body to break the coffin, much less breaks through the soil layer to jump out.”

“I cannot think of other means, Boss Shi, if you really don’t want to burn the corpse, you can only pierce a few nails in her cerebellum.”

“This is not good, nailing the head of my mother’s dead body after she died. This is simply blaspheming my mother. Xiaolong, please think of another solution.”

What other solution could I think of? Neither burning nor nailing was allowed. One must know, if the corpse had really turned into a zombie, it would have a very powerful strength. When the time came, that this corpse had become a zombie and jumped out, the worst thing could happen and it could harm many people. Not to mention the Yin energy in this place was not strong, yet why would there be such a powerful Yin qi on the corpse? Should we use the common reason, that the corpse should normally be decomposed already?

Besides, the corpse was originally buried in the coffin on the right side, how could it move to the right one?

I thought for a long while before I spoke, “Then, at noon tomorrow, I will take the corpse and expose it to the sunlight to disperse the Yin qi in its body. After that, I will try to draw a charm to prevent her from becoming a living dead. Afterward, you can bury her.”

Boss Shi gave his approval, saying, “I agree with this method, please do it!”

We put the coffin back and buried the grave. After that, we headed back and arrived at past 7:00 PM. We returned to Boss Shi’s villa and took a bath. After having a dinner, I sat in the living room and read the ‘Daoist Incantations Compilation Book’. I had almost brought along all of my equipment for this request, including this spell book.

I finally found the “Zombie Suppressor Charm”, however, this charm was quite difficult to draw. The writing order was also very complex. While I was studying it, Jiannan walked in and brought along a durian with him as he asked with a cheap-contemptuous look, “Big brother, are you reading a pornographic book?”

Oh my god…

~~~~~~~~~~End of Chapter 50~~~~~~~~~~

 

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  • TheMystogrigen

    5000 USD for an iPhone 4? Someone on loudly isn’t good with money…

  • Danis

    Thanks for the chapter 😀